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Wahab Riaz: A True Snap Story
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Wahab Riaz: A True Snap Story

Rejoice, niche overlapping fans of cricket, jughats and Snapchat! Your patience has been rapid big time, the team’s resident Snapchatter and part-time fast bowler, wahabviki, has made his triumphant return to Snapchat.


Apart from conclusively ending the millennial-old Snapstory vs. WhatsApp status debate, Wahab has given us deep psychological insight into team dynamics, cliches and how badly we all want to give Ahmed Shehzad an old fashioned ribbing.


Since this is CricInGif, I’d like to give a snap-by-snap breakdown of viki’s unadulterated magnum opus (with a bit of homophobia, like all classics).


1. Nervous start

Like all great comebacks, viki (I can call him that right? We’re one-sided Snapchat buddies--like most successful friendships) is off to a fine start.


Deep breaths Wahab!


He is rightfully nervous since he’s set himself high standards on previous outings. Every Snapper is as good as their last Snapstory and wahabviki knows that he can’t rest on his laurels.


2. Snapping conditions

Like any great professional, wahabviki is quick to take stock of the fact that conditions are perfect for snapping.


Jughat partner: a little distracted, but check.



Nice guy who’ll laugh at your jokes: thumbs up.


And our Snapagonist: WAHABVIKI


3. Gormint Bik Gayi


As ever, our hero continues to shed light on the elitist microaggressions inherent in masculine sports patronised by state institutions by choosing not to remain silent while so-called “CAPTAINS” (what is this CAREEM?!) get their boarding passes before the rest of the celebrities in the comfy airport lounge.



#SayNoToCaptainCulture

Imad, we see you. We see you subtly pretending to text while the big boarding pass man snubs you. We see you and the proletariat shall unite one day or you will just get your boarding pass in a few minutes...



One more time



4. The Anti-Snapagonist

Every good Snapstory needs a villain, usually it’s that better looking friend who still looks good in infected watermelon filters; here it’s Kami bhai, who apparently has a Snapchat himself but we’re just going to assume his vast fan following is basically the Akmal clan (this was not a dig, that’s genuinely a large Snapfollowing)



UGH.



Even your Professor hates you.



That felt good.




5. When you’re trying to srs but friends wanna lolz

Exhibit A:



Exhibit Ahmed Shehzad:



Exhibit Ahmed Shehzad:



Exhibit Project:



Ahmed Shehzad has so many feels that he wants to fist bump all the Snappers out there:



6. Shoaib Malik is THAT friend

In this world of conformists and enforced uniformity by the oppressive PCB, Shoaib Malik is a cut above the rest. He also gets really nice gifts from his super successful and accomplished wife. Here Shoaib is seen taking a real risk at a time when the PCB is clamping down on right to expensive bags and rebels as he refuses to be another handbag on the airport conveyor belt.



Shoaib isn’t illicit bag trail is now traced to the sordid territory of sugar highs and gratuitous transfer of birthday presents:





Sorry Sania, now that’s a birthday present



Shoaib can’t handle this



7. Fitness Diaries

The world of competitive sports, we hear of Olympians maintaining impossible diets all year round. While that might be impressive, our boys spit in the face of your protein shakes and raise you the ultimate best friend of any athlete: chanay



Ahmed Shehzad tried to body shame our supporting Snapstory hero with some classic moment on the lips, forever on the hips.



But Imad Wasim is having none of it and owns his body by definitely shutting down the haters.



Shake it off, Imad!


8. Tensions

Like any beloved wahabviki Snapstory, there are ideological tensions within the team reflecting the important debates that fracture our society as a whole: the team becomes a microcosm of larger Pakistani society.


This time it is the age old Pepsi vs. Coke debate: 2017. The debate reveals undercurrents of corporate interests in cricket and how the flow of sponsors in the team is creating tensions within the innocent game we call cricket… or maybe Ahmed Shehzad just doesn’t know his Sprite from his 7up.


It all started when Shoaib Malik decided to explain the nuances of sodas to Mr. Shehzad.



Ahmed Shehzad was NOT happy.



In an effort to diffuse tensions (or because he really loves Sprite) Imad Wasim decides to interrupt this simmering tension with a plug for the sponsors.




9. #Decolonisation

Shane can disapprove all he wants because these boys aren’t having any of it. They have decided to shed the shackles of colonialism and liberate their mind from mental slavery by going after this evil white man.


Just look at him.




10. Ahmed Shehzad really is particular about his selfies


Ahmed to self: that’s why god/Afridi invented selfies, so you don’t have to put up with bad white boi photos.


Look at him go, you filter and insta the hell out of that photo boy!


11. Guess who?

Between all the snapping at each other, the boys take us Snappers through quite a lot of intrigue.


For instance, whoever could they be talking about here:




Grape! They’re on to me


SIDE NOTE: Ahmed Shehzad is starting to sound exactly like Lala



Okay, he’s just really good at impressions



JOB WELL DONE GUYS!




Us after this Snapstory.